


Into the light

by CheonByeol



Category: VICTON (Band)
Genre: 2Seung if you squint, Angst, Canon Compliant, Domestic, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, nugu groups, side SeByung if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-30 01:50:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18305741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheonByeol/pseuds/CheonByeol
Summary: Sometimes, living the idol dream isn’t like a dream.Sometimes, it’s hard to be the one who gives tough love.But sometimes, being held is all you need to have the strength to carry on.(aka the fic where the kids are bickering, Seungsik is sad with a capital S, but Seungwoo is there for him)





	Into the light

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [kpopolymfics2019](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/kpopolymfics2019) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> **10cm – "Help"**  
> [lyrics](https://popgasa.com/2017/08/28/10cm-help/) **|** [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnT9LmmlLXw) **|** [supplementary](https://i.pinimg.com/564x/03/ab/0e/03ab0e27baba9ba0fddd178850097731.jpg) \- [prompts](https://i.pinimg.com/564x/39/f5/33/39f5336cdf1c1dfbe3b6425ff4600d19.jpg)
> 
> This fic was written for K-Pop Olymfics 2019 as part of Team Canon/AR/Future 1. Olymfics is a challenge in which participants write fics based on prompt sets and compete against other teams of writers, organized by genre. Competition winners are chosen by the readers, so please rate this fic using [this survey](https://forms.gle/JiD36CPfz1kmhwXa7)!
> 
> Beta credits to come when authors and teams are revealed!
> 
> Title inspired by Victon’s song Light [(lyrics video)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ry_Rv1Q3yaA)

The lively chatter that fills the van only seems to intensify once they pull aside, the boys now craning their necks to catch a glimpse of the small crowd of their _Alices_ gathered in the square just to see them. Excitement bubbles up in Seungsik’s chest as well, the smile on the faces of his groupmates contagious.

“Guys, guys!” Leader Seungwoo tries to grab their attention, twisting in the passenger seat to talk to them, chin propped on the backrest, voice gently chiding. “You can go right away. Let’s cheer first!” He reaches his long arm back as far as he can, inviting the younger ones the stack their hands on top of his. Chan’s signature high-pitched laughter sounds as he watches the leader’s stretching, but soon enough all seven of them join in, with more or less grumbling, until it spirals into chaos, Hanse and Sejun slapping their hands on top more and more aggressively. The groaning intensifies.

“Hurry up, please,” Subin whines, twisting from his corner seat, and Seungsik takes pity on their maknae. He takes matters into his own hands and elbows Hanse beside him for good measure, allowing Sejun to win while the rapper grumbles ad glares, but no one pays mind to him.

“Two, three,” Seungwoo counts.

_ “Victon, let’s go!” _ The chorus of six more voices joins in, Seungsik’s voice standing out as always, maybe because he’s main vocal, maybe because he has such a unique vocal color. Their hands fly high like their morals and the doors of the car swing open, seven kids making a race to the makeshift stage. They slip under the cordon belts and line up in the small clearing, surrounded by their fans. Seungsik smiles and waves at them as he looks around. It’s not a huge crowd, maybe several dozens, a couple hundreds at most, but seeing their lit-up faces, a few waving banners and phone cameras focused on them and hearing their cheers, Seungsik’s chest is swelling with the love for them.

_ “…two, three. New world! Hello, we are Victon!” _

The wind bites his cheeks and hands, but Seungsik’s smile doesn’t falter. Being able to sing and dance in front of their fans after so long, adrenaline is rushing through his veins, giving him the power to make his dance moves more energetic and hit his high notes with ease, encouraged even more by the squeals he gets in response. He squares his shoulders just a little more each time passersby slow down or join their crowd. What’s bittersweet is how they seem to draw the most interest with their covers of _Fire_ and _Love scenario_ , but Seungsik shouldn’t be complaining, right? They are drawing attention, and that’s what matters. That’s why they are doing _busking_. A free street performance, nearly two and a half years into their idol career. No comeback in almost a year. He swallows the lump in his throat, and his anxieties are somewhat soothed when Seungwoo hyung, as if reading his thoughts, stops them after the covers to re-introduce themselves to the increased crowd. Seungsik shouts their greeting with enthusiasm and prays. _Please remember us_. He throws himself back into the performance with doubled efforts after.

~~~~~

Seungsik is spent but happy when he slips into the back row of the van first, shuddering from the sudden warmth. He immediately turns to the window to wave at the persistent group of fans who’ve followed them to the parking lot, not paying too much attention to the boy slipping beside him, until a long arm wraps around his shoulders, a tall figure leaning over him to also wave to the fans. For a split second, he hopes to see Seungwoo hyung when he glances to the side, but instead he’s met with Byungchan’s dimples, and he struggles to not be disappointed. Not that there’s anything wrong with Byungchan, really, except that he’s not Seungwoo hyung. Seungsik grins cheekily, and uses his shoulders to playfully fight the younger for window space until the van pulls off.

When Byungchan retreats from his personal space, Seungsik sinks into his thoughts. Once their fans are out of sight, the pedestrians become faceless, the buildings and empty trees only a greyish background blur. He’s really missing Seungwoo hyung right now. He’s been for a while now, actually. They used to be the closest of friends, but… It seems things have changed. But at the same time, they didn’t. Maybe it’s him who changed. Seungsik just doesn’t know anymore. A hand waves in front of his face, Byungchan demanding his attention.

“Earth to Sikie hyung, are you there?”

“Uh, sure.” He forces a smile.

“Selca?” Byungchan leans into his shoulder and raises his phone, the two of them coming into the screen.

“Yah, why are you not taking selcas with me?” someone complains on Byungchan’s other side. He sounds like Sejun. Yes, it definitely is Sejun.

“Because I always take selcas with you. Gotta change it up,” the tall boy shrugs and ignores Sejun’s grumbling, only patting his thigh as he talks to Seungsik again.

“Expression? Aegyo?” Without waiting for an answer, Byungchan tilts his head until he finds his perfect camera angle and smiles sweetly, showing off his dimples. It’s an unfair competition against his visuals really, but Seungsik tries his best, smiling cutely and letting his eyes curl up into crescents, showing finger hearts in front of each of his cheeks. Byungchan snaps a series and goes through it to narrow it down, lets Seungsik choose his favorite, then snatches his phone back to add captions and hashtags.

“Sikie hyung, anything to tell Alice?”

“Thanks for coming today?”

“Duh.” Byungchan glances up at him to roll his eyes.

“Tell them to warm up well when they get home, it’s cold today.”

The younger hums in approval, typing some more before poking Hanse’s shoulder in front of him.

“Can you ask manager hyung for approval?”

Hanse twists around, staring at the phone, then at Byungchan.

“He’s driving, dumbass.”

Byungchan rolls his eyes but before he can retort, Seungwoo chimes in from the passenger seat.

“Give it to me. I’ll show him at the next red light.”

“That’s exactly what I meant, _dumbass_.” Byungchan nudges Hanse again before giving him the phone to pass on, and the rapper grumbles while doing so.

“Cute. I haven’t seen Sikie that happy in a while,” Seungwoo says, smile audible in his voice. Seungsik doesn’t know how to react, or if he’s supposed to react in the first place.

“Aren’t I cute too?” Byungchan complains.

“You are!” Sejun is quick to reply. “See, this is why you should be taking selcas with me instead.”

Their silly banter continues and Seungsik tunes it out, absentmindedly listening to Chan instead, explaining animatedly about a fan’s excessive reaction to him taking a selca with her phone, making the rest of the group laugh. They sound so happy and energetic, and Seungsik is envious. He almost feels like an outsider, as if all of them are under the magic of their performance that wore off early only on him.

~~~~~

Seungsik isn’t surprised when he finds Sejun in the snack alley, yet again. He’s holding an armful despite being forced to bring them back earlier, and Seungsik resists to urge to sigh in exasperation as he pushes the cart beside him. Sejun eyes the contents of it suspiciously.

“Ew, what’s this?” he complains as he picks up a Chinese kale, turning it around warily.

“It’s a vegetable, Sejun,” Seungsik replies, trying to keep the edge away from his voice, tired of this argument. “You know, the thing at the bottom of the food pyramid. And you’re going to eat it.”

Sejun grimaces as he drops the kale back into the trolley, only to poke at the carrots and soy bean sprouts, pouting.

“I couldn’t have the snacks because _we don’t have the money for this,_ ” he imitates the older’s voice, “but you’re adding new things that _you_ want?”

“That’s different!” Seungsik whines. “I’m just trying to make all of us eat healthy! We can’t eat instant ramyeon and cereal all the time and call it a balanced diet.”

Seungwoo chooses this moment to arrive, dropping several bags of ramyeon noodles into the cart. The silence stretches, growing tense and uncomfortable as Sejun watches him, then turns back to Seungsik with an accusing glare.

“Then aren’t you going to tell hyung _no more ramyeon_?”

“No, I’m going to…”

“You’re such a hypocrite!” Sejun blurts.

“…add the vegetables! Listen first what your hyung has to say,” Seungsik complains.

Seungwoo’s gentle voice cuts off the debate.

“If we’re done shopping, let’s go and pay.” He takes the handle of the cart from their main vocal and walks off in the direction of the cashier. Sejun only stares at the leader’s back, dumbfounded and outraged, angrily shoving the packages back on the shelves when Seungsik tries to take them away from his arm. The main vocal hurries him, they need to get to the cashier before Seungwoo hyung has to pay, since Seungsik has the group money.

~~~~~

To Seungsik’s relief, Sejun doesn’t actually complain when Chan and Subin cook up the ramyeon with vegetables for dinner. Actually, most of the boys don’t, and they’re enjoying their usual lively chatter with the meal. Except for one person, who’s meticulously setting every piece of green aside on his plate while making disgusted faces, until Seungsik just can’t stand to watch it anymore.

“Yah, Do Hanse, stop playing with your food.”

“Yah, Kang Seungsik, stop telling me what to do,” he mocks the vocalist’s tone and grimaces. Seungsik feels like he’s been slapped, but tries to laugh it off when he can feel several gazes on him.

“That’s hyung for you, Hanse. And I’ll leave you alone when you eat your veggies. Or do you need hyung to feed you?” He coos to tease, and Hanse makes a disgusted face. Chan bursts into his signature high-pitched laughter.

“Just imagine that! Hanse aegi being fed!”

“Leave me alone,” the rapper glares and grumbles, stuffing his mouth almost comically full of kale leaves, drawing more giggles from the boys and a genuine smile from Seungsik.

~~~~~

The hours stretch and Seungsik has no idea what time it is. Has it been hours or just minutes since he’s been trying to fall asleep? He’s told himself to stop checking his phone. That only makes the minutes drag on longer and frustrates him more. So he just stares at the bottom of Hanse’s bunk above, listening to the rain pattering against the window. It blends with the breathing of three of his boys, even and calm, a monotone yet ever changing song. He wishes it could lull him to sleep, but his mind isn’t susceptible to it, he’s way too aware of his surroundings. The noise of the rain and his bandmates breathing. The warmth of his blanket, the way it wraps around his body, without giving any reassurance. The invisible weight pressing down on his chest.

Manager hyung said he could get medication for it. As if. Probably, he could, but if they had the money to spare, he also wouldn’t worry about overspending on snacks or buying new clothes, and he could just sleep normally like he used to. Of course, he couldn’t just say that to him, no matter how much he wanted to. Just like he couldn’t tell him, he should worry about finding them work to begin with, instead of his mental health. It would have also been easier if they hadn’t watched the year-end events and award shows. Ironic, isn’t it? It’s meant to be a time for celebration, but for them, it’s been a sore reminder how last year has been a failure.

He tries to take his mind off of it by scanning the room for the umpteenth time. His gaze follows the strip of light on the floor, illuminated by the cheap yellow streetlight. Whoever closed the curtains didn’t do it properly, which means it wasn’t Seungsik. Also someone, probably Hanse, left a mess of dirty laundry on top of the cabinet, now in the highlight, drawing attention to itself. Seungsik scrunches up his nose, even if he’s already taken a mental note to scold him for it in the morning – yet another confrontation. Seungsik’s chest tightens further. Hanse already has enough of him telling him what to do. And so has Sejun. And probably the rest of the boys too. It’s just a question of time when they’ll also say it to his face…

He turns towards the wall, curling up and hugging his knees. _Oh yes, great distraction, Seungsik._ It’s definitely better to think about how they find him annoying. How they probably hate him. They fight way too much these days, and he hates it. He hates himself. So it’s only natural they’d hate him too, right…? He tries to swallow the lump in his throat. It’d be embarrassing to cry about this the third night in a row. Today was supposed to be a happy day. They got to perform. How to stop these thoughts? He doesn’t know. _He never knows._ He usually just waits until his brain gets tired enough that his thoughts stop being coherent and his mind finally drifts into unconsciousness. Today, he hasn’t reached that point yet.

He freezes when Byungchan turns and mumbles in his sleep, something along the lines of “yummy”. He’s probably dreaming about sweets, and Seungsik’s lips twist into a lopsided grin. The tightness in his throat subsides, even if just a little. Good for him… he just wishes he could sleep too. And dream of nice things instead of the constant nightmares. More fights. The company telling them they are not needed anymore since they are making nothing compared to their seniors APink. All the ways that could lead to Victon breaking up. Only to wake up drenched in cold sweat early at dawn when everyone is still asleep, only their breathing to listen to and calm Seungsik down, reassuring him that he’s still in the dorm. That they’re still together. He hugs his knees tighter. He really doesn’t want to think about those dreams now.

Dreams… _Wasn’t he supposed to be living the dream after debuting?_

Yet, it seems like nothing has changed since their trainee days. It’s hopeless. They still share the same small dorm with only two rooms for the seven of them. They, _him_ , still has to budget strictly so they can afford all the necessities. He wishes he didn’t have to be the one to say _no_ to his boys so many times. Or nagging them to do their chores, but Seungwoo hyung has such a heart of gold, Seungsik doesn’t expect him to do that. No wonder the boys love their leader as the dad… and Seungsik does too. He really does. He just wishes they would appreciate his tough love too. Well, sometimes they do… at least, Seungsik tries to convince himself they bully him out of love. Sometimes, he manages to believe it, and it feels good. Well, it used to. He wishes he could still do that. Or at least that he wasn’t so cranky and snap at them so often…

He heaves a deep sigh, but freezes halfway when Hanse stirs above. Seungsik waits, motionless, until the younger’s breathing falls back to an even rhythm. He decides to drag himself out of bed, so at least they can sleep undisturbed. Maybe writing out his thoughts or reading through his old diary will help. Maybe he just needs a reminder of the hopeful times they used to share before debut. Maybe. Slow and quiet like a thief, he gets up and sneaks out the worn little notebook from his underwear drawer, now grateful for the person leaving that gap in the curtains. The wooden floor feels smooth and warm under his bare feet as he heads towards the living area, tracing his steps by memory through the darkness.

The living room is also dark, except for the street lights filtering through the large, rain-streaked window. Seungsik feels for the light switch but stops when he notices the figure sitting cross-legged in front of the window, with his back to him, staring out at the night lights of Seoul. He probably hears the footsteps, because he turns to look up, even though he probably can’t see. Seungsik can’t see his face either, but he’d recognize his tall, lanky figure anywhere and anytime. A warm feeling washes over Seungsik, a mixture of relief and something else, and he approaches hesitantly, keeping his voice quiet as he calls out.

“Seungwoo hyung?”

“Sikie?” The leader replies and watches the younger settle beside him, also facing the window, his diary placed in front of him.

“What’s wrong?” Seungwoo asks. “You’ve never been a bad sleeper. The boys have always been complaining about you sleeping a lot _and_ snoring.”

Seungsik grimaces. Of course they complain about whatever he does, even if he can’t control it. That’s the kind of tough love he receives, if any. But Seungwoo hyung is probably not meaning to be hurtful, just trying to keep the conversation light.

The younger shrugs. “Well, now they get to complain about me being cranky,” he replies, sarcastic. He doesn’t mean to be bitter, but it just comes out.

As if he could feel Seungwoo’s gaze on him, he turns to meet it. Half of the older’s face is cast in shadows, but he can see the light in his eyes, his gentle but serious look, as if trying to read him. It’s tugging at Seungsik’s heartstrings, and it’s tempting to just let the older pull it and untangle this shaky knot that somehow still manages to keep him together. But then everything would tumble out, this jumbled, hopeless mess that’s become of his thoughts and emotions recently. Maybe not so recently. Is it really alright to dump all that on his hyung? Seungsik decides against it. His throat tightens, but he tries to ignore it and change the topic.

“Why are _you_ here, hyung?”

There’s a silence, just them staring at one another. Finally, Seungwoo gives. “Leader things. I don’t want to worry you with them.”

“I already worry.”

“That’s why you don’t need to worry more,” he insists.

“You don’t get it.” Seungsik laughs bitterly. “Now I’m worrying about you too.”

The older huffs a little chuckle and shakes his head.

“Fine. I’ll tell you,” he agrees, “but only if you tell me too.”

The main vocal stares again. He thought he’d won, but his leader won’t let him off the hook, will he?

“Fine.” He huffs at the mischievous glint in the older’s eyes, but it’s hard to be mad at him, when he’s just missed him too much.

“I asked first, so you go first,” Seungwoo says. The younger braces himself for saying out loud the thoughts he’s been trying to run away from for a good while now. He only hopes he won’t break down completely. His gaze falls to his hand on his knee, crumpling his pajama pants as he slowly starts to speak, but like dominoes falling, once he begins, he’s unable to stop, his words spilling out unfiltered.

“I’m… worried. About tomorrow. And the day after. And when we’ll have a comeback. _If_ we’ll have one... If we’ll have enough money for the next month. If we’ll be able to eat healthy. Who I’ll fight with next time about my shitty excuses.” He sighs shakily. “When they’ll start asking real questions, when they’ll catch up that things aren’t fine... that having such a long break to ‘just rest’ as idols is not fine. They aren’t stupid. Our boys aren’t stupid, hyung.” His gaze searches for the older’s in near panic, as if expecting an answer, an affirmation, anything. “How do I stop them from finding out, so their dreams don’t crash like–?”

_ Mine did. _ But he doesn’t say that out loud. He swallows thickly and glances away from Seungwoo again, staring out the window instead, not wanting him to notice the shine in his eyes because they are now pricking.

The silence stretches, and Seungsik bites down on his lip, trying to will the building tears away, but they are quite stubborn and keep gathering. The street lights outside are blurring into shiny spots and his breath is becoming heavy. Then, a warm hand rests on top of his, long fingers sneaking between his and under his palm, gently, quietly assuring him that their owner is right here.

“You don’t have to deal with it alone, Sikie,” Seungwoo says gently, and those pesky tears take his words as permission to flow. All the emotions he’s been trying so hard not to feel are rushing him all at once. All this time, he’s thought he was alone… that he wasn’t loved. But when he looks at his leader, despite the dark surrounding them and through his tears, he’s sure he’s smiling, he can feel the warmth of it, through their joint hands. Seungsik squeezes his hand weakly, as if thanking him. The older slides closer on the floor, pulling him into a side-hug, wrapping his long legs around the younger like a koala. It’s kind of awkward and uncomfortable, but kind of cute and Seungsik feels more secure than he has… he doesn’t even know when was the last time he felt like this.

“You don’t have to deal with anything alone,” Seungwoo purrs, close to Seungsik’s ear, and the younger closes his eyes, drinking in that soothing voice. “You always nag and complain about the little things, so sometimes I forget you keep the big things in. But you know, I’m your leader, and your best friend, and I’m always here to listen. We’ve been through a lot together already and came out victorious, remember? As long as we’re together, we can do it again. We could conquer anything.”

He gives the younger a little squeeze, the affection only making him cry harder. Does he deserve this kindness? Being appreciated, cared for, and understood, has become so foreign, only a vague memory from a distant past, blurred by the curtain of dullness and exhaustion of the past weeks, the lack of sleep wearing down on him. It somehow feels good to cry it out, almost cathartic, and the tension in his chest eases. He twist to bury his face to the leader’s chest, trying to hide the ugliness of his crying and muffling his choked-back sobs. At the back of his mind, he still knows it’s the middle of the night and his boys are sleeping. Seungwoo keeps patting his back, encouraging him to let it all out and whispering again and again that things will be alright, until he seems to run out of tears.

Seungsik sniffles and try to untangle himself. The older’s arms only loosen around him, giving him the opportunity to wipe his face with his pajama’s sleeve. Seungwoo tsk’s and digs into his pocket to offer him a tissue instead. The younger croaks a _thanks_ and attempts to blow his nose quietly. Seungwoo shifts and slides behind him, embracing him again in a more comfortable position, pulling him close as his chin rests on his shoulder. Seungsik leans back against his chest, taking in deep, ragged breaths and lays his arms atop the older, letting his warmth engulf him and this secure feeling settle in.

“Better now?” the leader murmurs in his ear. It’s not like everything is magically solved, but Seungsik feels relieved, so he hums in response. Seungwoo’s voice turns more cheery but remains soft, “Good. You know… you should talk to me more. Whenever something bothers you. I’ve been worried about you.”

Seungsik suddenly feels guilty. And stupid. “I’m sorry. I should have talked to you earlier.”

“You should have,” the older agrees unaccusingly, giving him a gentle squeeze. The main vocal gathers himself and snorts, suddenly reminded of their deal.

“But look who’s talking… _I_ still don’t know what’s bothering _you_.”

There’s a pause, but Seungwoo’s voice remains light as he replies, “In fact, you do know.”

“What? No, I don’t,” Seungsik whines.

The older sighs a little, his arms tensing around the younger. “The same as you. I worry about the future. Our future.”

A beat passes before Seungsik reacts, his palm sliding along his leader’s arm to find his hand and intertwine their fingers again, trying to sound more certain than he really is. “You’ve just said it will be fine. That we can deal with it together.”

“Yeah. That’s what I hope.”

The leader doesn’t sound entirely convinced himself. In fact, he sounds tired, judging by the little sigh. Seungsik squeezes his hand, even though his anxiety is seeping back in, and steels himself for giving a pep talk, because now it’s his hyung who needs some encouragement.

“What’s your nickname, hyung? _Captain Seungwoo._ You’re our leader, our captain, who never falters. Is this how we’re going into this game? If we go in ready to lose, we will lose. We have to go in wanting to win, and then we can actually win it. _You_ can win it for us. You know why? Because our boys would follow you to the end of the world.” He adds, barely above a breath, “And so would I.”

There’s a beat of pause, then Seungwoo snickers softly, brushing his nose against the younger’s cheek. “What would I even do without you and your nagging?”

Seungsik blinks into the darkness. That’s such a weird compliment, if it’s supposed to be one. “I don’t nag!” He protests, but he himself knows well it’s a lie. He adds, mumbling, “Not all the time.”

The older giggles again. “That’s how we love you.”

_ Lies. _ Big, fat lies. Seungsik grimaces and blurts before thinking, “Our boys think I’m annoying.”

“That’s not true.” Seungwoo shakes his head, his nose ruffling the younger’s hair. “We love you, Sikie. The boys do too, believe me. They won’t say thanks, maybe they don’t even realize it, but you make them a better version of themselves. You’re the one who keeps the order and takes care of us all. You’re my vice-captain. I couldn’t, I mean,  _ we, _ Victon, literally couldn’t do this without you.”

There’s that warm and fuzzy feeling again. _He’s needed and appreciated,_ at least by his leader. It sounds too good to be true, but Seungsik wants it to be true so badly.

“Thanks,” Seungwoo continues. “For sharing my burdens. And for reminding me of my strength. Have I ever told you what that is?”

He hasn’t told him, but obviously, Seungsik knows what makes him a great leader. “You’re like a father. You lead gently, but steadily.”

“Oh… Thanks?” Seungwoo hyung sounds surprised, and that confuses the younger too. Did he fluster him? Does he really not know what his strength is? “That’s… not what I meant. My strength is the six of you.” Oh. He’s being cheesy. Seungsik’s lips involuntarily curl into a smile as he listens. “If you and our boys believe in me, then I had better believe in myself too, right?”

The younger chuckles, feeling light, and squeezes his hand. “Well, yeah. And you had better believe in us too.”

“I do.” Seungwoo returns the squeeze. “I’ve never doubted you or our boys for a second. I’ve only doubted myself. Whether I can lead all of you well.”

Seungsik shakes his head and smiles. “You know you can, hyung. You’ve always been good at it.”

It’s the leader’s turn to chuckle. “No. You keep praising _me_ , but _you_ have always been a great help.”

The main vocal shifts, unsure of how to deflect that undeserved compliment. Seungwoo pulls away from the hug, leaving the younger to support his own weight and his back cold, and he purses his lips into a pout.

“Now that we’ve answered the great questions of life… shall we try to sleep?” the leader asks, slipping back into his usual easy tone.

He might as well have dumped a bucket of ice on Seungsik. His earlier ease is gone in an instant and he’s suffocating just from the thought of going back to his room, getting back in his bed alone. Slowly, dragging the time, he picks up his diary, untouched since he’s sat down, and scampers to his feet. “Yeah… I guess.” He’s unsure if he’ll be able to sleep. He’s felt relaxed in Seungwoo hyung’s arms, but his touch was his security blanket, and now he doesn’t know what to do without it. The leader, attentive as always, still lingers around, probably waiting for a more definite answer.

“Hyung…” Seungsik calls hesitantly.

“Mhm?”

He fiddles with the notebook in his hands. “Can’t I… can you just hold me tonight?”

“Sure thing,” Seungwoo replies immediately, gentle and reassuring. As he extends his hand, the younger takes it and follows him to the other bedroom, and the only non-bunk bed.

Wordlessly, to let the boys sleep, the leader motions for Seungsik to go first and take the wall side. He pushes his diary below the bed and complies, sidling up against the cold wall momentarily. When the older joins, he shuffles closer to him instead, pressing his forehead to his chest and draping an arm around his waist. In turn, his long limbs wrap around his body protectively. Seungwoo hyung’s blanket also smells like him, and it keeps both of them warm and safe. Seungsik finds himself relaxing again, and his exhaustion slowly settles in. His breathing evens out, matching the pace with the rise and fall of his leader’s chest.

“Have a good night, Sikie,” Seungwoo whispers into his hair.

“You too,” he whispers back, slurring the words.

“I will.”

Seungsik can hear the smile in his leader’s voice, and a sleepy smile tugs at his own lips too. His fingers curl into the back of the older’s pajamas, as if making sure he’s not going anywhere. Tomorrow is scary. But it’s a little less scary with his hyung. Seungsik hopes for a night without nightmares, but it’s also fine if his wish doesn’t come true, because tonight, there’s someone to hold him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Since this fic is written for a competition, I'd be happy if you could give me a few more minutes of your time to rate it using [this survey](https://forms.gle/JiD36CPfz1kmhwXa7)!
> 
> Disclaimer 1: I have slightly exaggerated their situation, they’ve gone on a Europe tour last year, and had a fanmeet early this year. But, they are still pretty underrated! If you enjoyed reading about them and don’t know them yet, please consider watching some of their MVs! My personal favorite is [Remember me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLvr9Q-iJcs).
> 
> Disclaimer 2: Their company (Plan A) actually does take care of their mental health, we’ve seen in their pre-debut show Me7Nam that they have regular meetings with a mental health professional. :) Wishing more entertainment companies were like this!


End file.
